Tuesday, February 17, 2009
35 million vs. 1/35 million
“May-yi wishes every night that the next day does not come. (as well as the train rides and cold, sleepy, zombie-like faces during those train rides).“I can't believe that's what I just wrote as my latest status on facebook.
I think it's a clear sign for one thing - I've had enough of Tokyo.
Tokyo oh Tokyo ... The city that I once wished I could trade anything for (i.e. during those miserable, winter nights in Cambridge trying to cram yet another 50-page academic jargons in my head), even just for a day, a night, an hour or a second. All those hours sitting in my Cambridge apartment, looking out into the gloomy, grey sky outside (or looking at the endless blue exam books yet to be graded or pages of small print yet to be consumed - powerlessly yet tearlessly), reminiscing about that day of transit from Taipei to Tokyo (or was it the other way around?), volunteering myself to get on the next flight out in order to win a free round-trip ticket within Asia and a free night stay near Narita Airport.
Of course, the bigger lure than a free round-trip ticket was simply a 2 or 3-hour quick visit to Shinjuku and a delicious meal in an izakaya with friends sandwiched b/t two 2-hour train rides back and forth b/t Narita and Tokyo.
67 km - that's the distance b/t Narita and Tokyo. "Insane!", I thought, the first time when I saw that on a freeway signboard to Narita.
And you consider that the closest int'l airport serving a city of 35 million people?
Is it the figure "67 km" more daunting or "35 million"?
That's how Tokyo - or Japan, one may say - begins to crack one's mind.
萧红 Xiao Hong/Hsiao Hung (given that I've been reading too much about her lately) once had a short, 4-month stay in Tokyo as a temporary getaway from troubles back home. In one of her letters to her husband 萧军, she wrote the following:
「這裡短時間住住則可，把日語學學，長了是熬不住的。若留學，這裡我也不贊成。日本比我們中國還病態，還乾苦（枯），這裡沒有健康的靈魂，不是生活。中國人的靈魂在全世界中說起來，就是病態的靈魂。到了日本，日本比我們更病態。既是中國人，就更不應該來到日本留學，他們人民的生活，一點自由也沒有。一天到晚，連一點聲音也聽不到，所有的住宅都像空著，而且沒有住人的樣子。一天到晚歌聲是沒有的，哭笑聲也都沒有。夜裡從窗子往外看去，家屋就都黑了，燈光也都被關於板窗裡面。日本人民的生活，真是可憐，只有工作，工作得和鬼一樣，所以他們的生活完全是陰森的。中國人有一種民族的病態，我們想改正它還來不及，再到這個地方和日本人學習，這是一種病態上再加上病態。我說的不是日本沒有可學的，所差的只是他的不健康處也正是我們的不健康處。為著健康起見，好處也只得丟開了。」
一針見血。The unnerving thing is - this was written almost 80 years ago. 80 years later, I found this passage still speaks loudly of what's going on in nowadays Japan.
Except maybe the part that says, 「一天到晚歌聲是沒有的」, b/c one certainly can find enough drunken salarimen exploding their lungs off in a karaoke box. But Xiao Hong is still half-correct there - at the end of the day, the singing is "contained" in a "box" - a karaoke box - not outdoor, not in a park, in an office, in an elevator, or even the public bath.
What the heck is going on with this place?
「我說的不是日本沒有可學的」- Agreed, b/c every time I walk through a office building+shopping plaza+5-star hotel+service apartment complex like Midtown or take an elevator up another mind-blowing architectural beauty like the Mitsui building or catch the right train safely on the dot or bring home a cake considerately packaged in a state of "immobility" so that every fruit on top stands perfectly in place and every artistic embellishment stays perfect intact aside, I can't help but PRAISE this country for all its incomprehensible dedication to perfection, punctuality, meticulous detail, and relentless pursuit for quality.
On the other hand -「為著健康起見，好處也只得丟開了」- Now, this is where things start to get personal and when one begins to fall into a dilemma b/t saying, "agreed," and "agreed, but ..." (e.g., "agreed, but there is a way out ..."; "agreed, but it's not always true ..."; "agreed, but I'm a foreigner so I don't always have to abide to the same rule ..."
(more and more, the very last "agreed, but ..." just doesn't seem to be working anymore).
A few weeks ago, during many of my flea-market-like MRT rides in Taipei - thanks to the non-stop, cacophony of a thousand different ring tones next to me, in front of me, a few meters away from me, also thanks to people's mind-not-your-neighbor type of festive talkativeness (maybe attributed by 9 consecutive national holidays??) - I was missing Tokyo S-OOOO B-A-D.
Missed was the insane silence in even some of the most insanely packed trains during rush hour Tokyo, the silence that allows one to get through the schedule of the day in head before heading out to another long work day.
Missed too was the contagious mind-not-your-neighbor's-business attitude that pervades in the air, allowing one to maintain some kind of privacy or concentration on whatever that's at hand.
Further missed was the clean public bathrooms, warm toilet seats, dry sink area ('cuz people have the etiquette of not mindlessly shaking washed hands in the air but applying handkerchieves), and the considerate design of a makeup area where ladies don't have to fight over the same mirror with those who are doing their washing business when doing some powder/lipstick retouch.
MIssed most, perhaps, was the unfailing good taste of almost any restaurant/cafe/beer house/one-counter bar. No pre-made pasta, microwave-prepped stew, overly refrigerated cheese cakes, water downed wine, or beer with ice. Nor grouchy serving staff.
Yet, third week into coming back to Tokyo, on a jam packed, 10pm train ride home, a new thought hit me - I'd trade anything for a genuine smile from the heart (even if it's flirtatious), a quick exchange of a few words (who cares if it's just about the weather), or a sudden crack of a good laugh (b/c both acknowledge each other's suffering from hay fever!) when two human beings cross their eyes.
But I almost forget - in this country, people don't cross their eyes or exchange glances despite how close of a distance they find themselves against other human beings. Because that, too, seems to be an inconceivable skill of everyday survival that all Japanese have learned to master, well to the level of perfection.
In a city of 35 million people. And me, one among the 35 million.
Which one is more daunting - 35 million or 1/35 million?
梅ちゃん at 12:41:00 AM
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
南國的家
回到台灣幾天之後一位東京的好友來訪。為盡地主之誼，帶她走訪公館淡水師大夜市西門町外加101展望台。一日，走到台大門口，我倆都被那蔚藍的天空和底下相稱極為優雅的椰子樹所吸引，在台大的大門口拍起了相片。透過數位相機看著高大的椰樹搖曳在湛藍的天空下，不知為何我突然想起篇篇有關日人如何為了滿足他們對於台灣這個所謂「南國」的想像，而在當年的「帝國大學」中種下椰子樹之舉之學術文章。無論這所謂的南國想像是否成了後人爭論殖民或後殖民的一個證據，老實說，在20度出頭的溫暖冬陽下，誰能不會為那一棵棵隨風搖曳的椰子樹感到一絲絲的感動呢？畢竟該是個冰天雪地，臘梅盛開的寒冬啊。
（學術，有時就是這麼的無聊。 ）
然而，從零度上下的東京回到這個所謂「家鄉」的我，又如何能免不了像當年的日人一樣，開始對台灣有著些許的「南國」想像呢？ 畢竟，從每天電車無時無刻不擠爆，上班族身著清一色黑色西裝，暗色呢絨外套，排格式羊絨圍巾，晚餐時間平均在九點半以後才開始的忙碌東京生活回來的我，看到台大師大附近各個咖啡酒館悠閑散坐著的台北年輕人們，實在是迷惘了。
咦，where goes the 3pm housewife-gang?
經濟不是挺不景氣地？
特別是當公車給我「尖峰時間12-15分鐘一班；離峰時間20-30分鐘一班」的時候，然後處處的公厠堂而皇之地被小學時代掃除時間就日日使用的傳統型掃把拖把和抹布給霸佔的時候。
還是在殘障人士專用的那一間哩！輪椅如何能推的進去呢？我很納悶。
更別論女性厠所中馬桶坐墊永遠是沒有掀下來的。明明就沒有男生在使用啊。
因為女生也沒有在使用。包括我自己。
還有當碰到賣著各式各樣比利時啤酒的時尚咖啡館的服務人員和我說：「換桌的話要自己搬盤碗喔！」，然後在我正色抗議並解釋「若是客人自己端咖啡蛋糕茶水時不小心打翻了或是濺到鄰桌客人的時候，要麻煩收拾的還不是貴咖啡館嗎？」的時候，正眼都不瞧我一眼，冷冷地對我說，「那我們的規定就是這樣啊〜」的服務小姐。
（還有在扯謊說店主今天就是不在，而她看起來就像是店主的時候 ...）
10年以前，那個才從高中畢業，帶著滿滿的興奮和不安要離家到地球的另一端去求學的我，難道就沒有碰過如此的服務人員，不掀下去的馬桶坐墊，堆滿了掃把拖把和抹布的公厠，和等了20多分鐘還是不來的公車嗎？
當然有。
特別是當年還沒有專賣比利時啤酒的時尚咖啡館，到哪兒都一刷可通的悠遊卡，及半數以上提供卷筒紙並開始注重芳香劑的公厠。
可是，當年的我，好像鮮少為了如此芝麻綠豆的小事冒火。更無所謂「南國想像」的情懷。
是我自己變了，還是家鄉變了？
曾幾何時自己的家鄉成了一個地處南方的悠哉小島，凡是「不要太計較」（媽媽如是安慰著 ...）日子就可以過的不錯的天堂，而自己變成一個從北國而來，啥事都抱著副正經八百，幾乎吹毛求疵態度的過客？
在一個該是屬於自身最隱秘的空間裡，我感覺到的，是無限的尷尬。尷尬的不只是那沒有掀下來的馬桶蓋（should I even mention 那就擺在眼前，一個個沒有卷好的女性生理用品？），還有自己在看到如此場面時，說不出的愕然。
當然，絕大多數的時候，我完成在那隱密空間裡該發生的活動，然後理好衣物，當做甚麼都沒發生似地離開，繼續我時尚的消費，和友人鋪天蓋的談論，或是享譽全球的美食的品嘗。
可是，在那個最隱秘的地方和最私密的時候，我感覺到的，仍舊是滿臉通紅的尷尬。
（今天在另一高級公厠，隔壁那位每十天必須做一次臉的太太，足足地在那隱秘空間裡講了5分鐘電話 ... 還將話筒那端兒男性友人的回應用 speaker phone 與全公厠之女性同胞分享！）
在這個所謂（南國）的家。
「想像」，總讓許多不美好的事變的美好，也讓許多本無法容忍的地方，變得可愛。
可我似乎對這個南國的家，還是少了一點想像。
梅ちゃん at 2:22:00 AM