Saturday, September 09, 2006

That Feeling Again

Late at night, mom is fast asleep, and my beloved Shiba-inu too is snoring outside. My heart begins to squeeze at its own rhythm, my stomach feels funny, and I'm getting more and more uneasy sitting here.

There's gotta be something that I'm forgetting ...

There's gotta be something that I need to get done yet it's slipping my mind ...

The clock is ticking, my eyes are increasingly heavy, and something heavier is growing inside.

My thought is carrying me over to the future. Yes, I'll drag my own body around in Ohare's airport after 12 hours of trans-Pacific flying. "Oh gosh, not Starbucks and a bowl of cold salad that costs 8 bucks; I'm not ready for them," I'll think to myself. Yet I know that the smell coming from the bakery will be so strong that there's no where for me to avoid it.

Fine, so back to the country of big portions.

3 hours later I'll again drag myself plus the luggage around with swallen eyes, messy hair-do, and completely dried-up skin while deciding on which transportation to take - taxi, shuttle, or the silver line + a transfer on the T. Ok, the luggage is too heavy, I've been on the road for 22 hours, and all I want is a hot shower.

Going for option one - taxi.

Then the taxi will take me into the city that seems famliar yet so distant. Things will flow by me, Charles River will be beaming with lights reflected from afar, and I'll let out a long sigh.

(Sigh) "Back again."

Then the taxi will pull into that little U-shaped street, and the little pink house emerges. "I guess I can't call it home 'cuz this is my 3rd apartment in Cambridge, and this is going to be my first night in the house," I'll think of that as I drag my luggage out of the trunk and struggle to carry it down the little stone-paved road.

Let's pray that it won't be raining.

Searching for that unknown little box up front, looking for the keys never seen before, opening the front door and inner door, at last, I'll be able to say, "Whew, the end of the 22-hour journey."

I'm simply going from one place to another. Why is the journey freaking long?

I'll probably spend the next hour searching for a bottle of water in the frige (and find nothing), struggling to test the neighbor's wireless connection and see if I could kindly borrow some signal, and finally giving up such a stealing activity and resorting to taking a shower before my body truly collapses.

Let's pray that the quietness in the apartment won't drive me crazy.

Thank God for TV.

Then, sleep ... At least before my body wakes itself up at 5 am in the morning.

The dreadful first night after arriving at a new place ... After the first night, everything will become instantly better - as long as I can go out and do some grocery shopping in the morning. How I wish there's a 100-yen store, a Taiwanese 7-11, a Japanese Lawson, or a Matsuya/Yoshinoya/Sukiya just 5 mins away from my apartment.


If I start thinking more about the future, would it make it pass by more easily?

And if I start "missing" what will be missing in the future, will I be able to miss it less when future finally comes?

The gentle heart squeeze, the wandering thoughts about the future, and the feeling of missing something that will soon be lost ... When all these things come together at once, there's one thing I know -

I'm leaving again.

梅ちゃん at 4:05:00 AM



at 9/9/06, 7:19 PM Anonymous Lurker said...

Sleep late -- after 12am. That way you won't have to wake up at 5.

Have a good flight.

at 9/10/06, 1:35 PM Blogger Ray said...

Hope everything is well with your new apartment; I think it will be a lot better than the 6-tatami-big studio in Tokyo. Hope all is well, you having a good first night, and a sunny day on your arrival. 別害怕即將失去的,因為妳將擁有更多。


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