Thursday, April 06, 2006
Quarter-life CrisisBack from trip to Europe. Great trip, awesome sightseeing, a ton of museum visits and a ton of walking. Got blisters on both feet by the 3rd day yet mad foot-trekking didn't end till the very last day. Wish I had more time Amsterdam. The first night was rough, dealing with jetlag and the feeling of loss being in a big city of sex, clubbing, and drugs, yet later on it still turned out to be my favorite (not for the aforementioned reasons of course!). Brussels was great too though came further down the list of "favorites." Leiden and Bruges completely captured my heart, whereas Luxembourg was a rather disappointment (maybe due to constant downpour of cold rain and empty streets on Sunday?). Anyway, if I ever got time I'll write more updates on some of the highlights about the trip or even post a few pictures.
I'd wanted this trip to be more of a relaxing one, yet at the end I still ended up dragging myself to 5 different cities and turned everyday into a 16-hour non-stop traveling. Being alone, though, allowed me a lot of time for personal reflections. One thing that really stood out to me is that traveling alone in your late 20's just isn't the same as traveling in early 20's. Somehow there was more yearning for company this time, and I couldn't stop envying the people traveling in packs or with loved ones/families around me. I may be able to travel alone for the next 10 years or so, but I no longer know if that's still the preferred way of traveling by the age of 40.
Still trying to get back to the flow of things back in Cambridge and had a few hours of solid studying this afternoon. Yet, something itching was nibbling me inside. The sense of fear, confusion, and continual wondering on what I am doing here. Yeah, what in the world am I doing here? In Cambridge, in this program, in the purpose of studying and the general meaning in life. Is this where I can be who I am the most? Is this what would empowers me to achieve what I want to achieve eventually? What kind of sacrifices or compromises would I have to make along the way to reach the final goal? Am I willing to make such sacrifices or compromises? Is this what God wants for me? How does faith come into play and what happens when faith conflicts with the culture of this environment? Where does one draw the line? What would life look like if I were not here but elsewhere?
Questions and choices and wonders ... My roommate reminds me that I perhaps am going through some kind of quarter-life crisis, reflecting upon all the things done and experiences gone through, and reexaming whether this is truly the step to take or to be in. Around the same time a friend of mine whom I graduated from college together with just sent me an ultra-sound photo of her baby girl today. She's totally at a different stage in life now whereas I'm still trying to figure out who this so-called "the one" is (if there is such a thing as "the one"). It seems infinitely difficult at times to find that one whom you truly truly love, yet when seeing those who are already married, I again wonder how they have done it all. Is life sometimes just easier for some people?
These days, I just feel that to be able to find that one you love whom you're able to make the decision to spend the rest of your life with him/her is nothing but a pure act of miracle from God. So many factors and variables have to work out perfectly in order for that union to take place. Truly incredible.
Same thing with career calling, passion, things and goals wanna achieve in life. Taking one step at a time, I tell myself. Yet, sometimes, even that one step is so hard to take.
Perhaps the key is simply to keep walking.
梅ちゃん at 3:15:00 PM
- at 4/7/06, 2:08 PM Evergreen said...
Well, as a married person I can tell you that it is a miracle from God but let me tell you, it doesn't get easier after marriage. You are right, once you cross that line, you will be in a different world and therea are some great things that come out of the marriage but you gotta work for it and you gotta work it out..... Different stage's got different things to deal with, some sweet, some bitter, some taste good and some just left a bad taste in your mouth..... The point is, no matter what stage in life we are in, we all have to deal with them..... so while still being single..... enjoy it..... I believe "the one" will come and he will come before you even notice it.... I think that's how I ended up getting married....ha! ha! ha!
Why are you there in Cambridge? I wonder if the book "Purpose Driven Life" can help you.... if you haven't read it already.....
Are you really in the late 20's already.....