Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Equipping
At school, I was given the greatest time and wildest space to think, to ponder, to contemplate, to wrestle, to write, to listen to my own voice and the voice of others. I wrote a lot, reflected a lot, struggled a lot, but remained hopeful despite periodic restlessness and constant questioning of the meaning of it all.Now in Tokyo, I've thrown into the world of reality - both work for a future career and work for the present daily living; stress of dealing with a foreign language and living like a foreigner in a gigantic city; the physical challenge of pushing through walls of people on any given platform or roaming across half a city at any given time of the day; the encountering of people beyond school walls and handling of the most guarded, less transparent, further convoluted human relationships. I got to see a lot, experienced a lot, shocked and surprised and rebuked if not offended a lot more. In the end, I come back to a house of darkness with a beat-up body that is too tired to write up much.
But the mind never stops running.
I hope this is just the process of finding a better place between ideals and reality, between what is to be hoped for and what is to be practical for. To find that exact shade of color between the blacks and whites.
I feel like the real battle has yet to begin. But I hope that at least I am more and more equipped when the real battle comes.
梅ちゃん at 1:54:00 AM