Sunday, April 09, 2006

枯萎

桌上褪色的玫瑰令人心酸。滿滿的淺紅色已經退到花瓣邊緣,中心一片安靜的白。花容憔悴,原來憔悴的還不只是玫瑰。只是玫瑰似乎比我更懂得事物變遷的道理。時間到了,也就沒什麼好爭辯的了。

默默承受。

會是最後一把了嗎?又回到了自己買花的日子。也沒什麼不對就是了。

從何處開始再站起來呢?就這樣一直坐著也行嗎?

再給我五分鐘。或許五分鐘之後我就有力氣再站起來了。然後繼續每天的生活。念書、上課、寫報告、發言。或許這個routine會是現在唯一讓我好過一點的事情。不會當作什麼都沒有發生。我至少還有勇氣去承受自己決定走的一段路。

原來寫報告並不是最難的。活著,好好地活著才是最大的挑戰。

至少還不是最糟的。至少還睡的下四個小時。真的不是最糟的。

高中時代的counselor曾讓我看過一個圖片,一個孤獨瘦小的人,獨自站在山谷的最低處,迷惘。"So what do you think his next step would be?" She asked. "I'm not sure, he seems to be looking up and searching for sun," I replied. "That's right, and in order to see more of that sun, this person has only one choice - to start climbing that slope that leads him out of the pit of the valley, don't you think?"

I nodded.

"In fact, that's the only option left for him anyway, isn't it? Either he goes forward or backward, each step he takes he's one step away from the pit of the valley. Each step would only take him closer out of the valley pit. When the worse has taken place, the next step would only be better, even if just by a tiny fraction.

從來不曾忘記那段對話。

When everything crashing down, 起碼還嘗的出嘴裡嚼的這片芒果干的酸甜滋味。

好想去唱歌。那位寫爛文章的學者還是錯了。人們喜歡唱卡拉OK的主因還有一個:因為心痛。

梅ちゃん at 12:48:00 AM

2comments

2 Comments

at 4/9/06, 6:57 AM Anonymous susan said...

dear, you're a strong girl, even stronger than i thought. the present will pass and the future awaits. just like you said, as long as you keep moving, you will leave that dark valley and see the sun~

jia you! we're here for you.

 
at 4/19/06, 3:45 AM Blogger Chat Noir said...

that dialogue really helps a lot.

chat noir@ down valley

 

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